Wishful, Sinful: The Story of Dundee FC – Part II

So, the first quarter of the freshly rebranded SPFL Championship has come and gone.

It’s been an eventful couple of months on the Sunny Side of the Street – a less than convincing start for Dundee seems to have been resolved and we’ve won our last four games on the bounce. This good run of form has left us a single, solitary point behind a league leading (and habitually distracting) Hamilton Academical side.



After some strange selections (and some quite frankly abhorrent team performances), John “Bomber” Brown now seems to have found his starting XI and has finally dropped the controversial 7-2-0-1 formation.

We’ve got momentum. We’ve got a vocal fan base. We’ve got Peter MacFuckingDonald.

The first major event at Dens Park saw the Texan Takeover come to fruition — the vote was passed by the fans and switched the structure of the club back to a “business-led” model. For three days and three nights, single dollar bills rained down over Sandeman Street in torrential fashion, washing away the bitter taste of relegation and Gavin Rae’s leftover chicken madras. The debate and in-fighting regarding the plans for new ownership has calmed down quite considerably and will hopefully allow some much-needed perspective on the situation. While many fans still have reservations about Scot Gardiner’s motives, the consensus seems to be that positive things have been happening behind the scenes: so far, so good.

It’s much too early to pass reasoned comment on the club’s new direction, but it is certainly time for everyone to get behind the team and make sure we continue to develop. There are a number of long and short-term plans which look promising, particularly the introduction of Wotsits in the South Enclosure’s food kiosks.

While many people suggested Brown might be the first manager sacrificed to the Fitba Gods this season, Richie Burke drew the ire of many football purists by making several appearances on QVC selling stolen jewellery and miscellaneous items sourced from around Almondvale. The final straw was when a rare set of Ged Nixon’s antique cock-rings were auctioned for a measly £49.99 — an issue that is still having repercussions in the boardroom at the time of writing.



Another issue that has rather predictably reared its ugly head again is the entry fee to Dens.

Sure, £20 is a little pricey, but please take a moment to appreciate that you’re actually paying for more than just a game of football. No other stadium in this league has an original PA system built from salvaged parts of the Titanic, an open-plan parking complex where the spaces spell out NAE BATHER, or a marble statuette of Eddie Annand propping open the doors to John Browns’s chambers.

Okay, fine — £20 is a rip-off.

On another note, David Goodwillie managed to embarrass himself by committing the worst miss in football history, blootering the ball back across an open goal when playing against Inverness Caledonian Thistle in the second game of the season. He’s clearly caused himself (along with the unwashed hordes of dayglo worshipping DABs) significant distress following that one, and looked about as convincing as either of those Peruvian drug mules.



After our own disappointing opening game against Queen of the South, Dundee were victorious in the bi-annual Bridee Cup, winning 13 out of 17 games in the space of three days. Peter “Peaso” MacDonald was presented with the affectionately named Golden Bridee trophy for services to football.

Big Rab got a good round of applause too, which is always nice to see.



The addition of Craig Beattie seems to be a stroke of genius. Or luck. Or fate.

Whatever it is, the prospect of Beats and Peaso battering sides each week is a good one and surely something rival managers will find intimidating. Beattie must be over the moon playing for a Big Club again, as it was fairly obvious to everyone that he never took training at St Johnstone very seriously at all.



As for the Prodigal Monte (Carlo, Monte) – it’s been a pretty disappointing signing as he’s looked a bit out of place on the park, although his diverse skill set has come into its own backstage. Bomber had promised to find his talents, although none of us expected those talents would come in the form of painting the new dressing rooms.



He’s a great finisher, aye!

Then, we have the heroics of Greenock Morton slaying Celtic in the cup.

While the ‘Ton have more or less flopped in the league thus far, it was a great result. I know our manager is a bit nuts, but Allan Moore is fucking insane.

I just hope he stays far, far away from our first team — he’s a seriously unnerving character. I heard he personally harassed the Celtic players in the buildup to their cup game by posting empty packets of Monster Munch to their homes with “MOOREY SHAGGED UR DAD” scribbled on the back. Samaras was so scared that he’s still not left his wheelie bin.

Worked though, I guess.



Aside form the usual goings on, BBC Scotland’s media darling Tam Cowan decided to break down some barriers with the female demographic by riding his wrecking ball straight through the topic of women’s football. He got into some hot water by saying he wouldn’t open his curtains if there was a women’s game playing in his back garden — ironically, a scenario that is much more likely to happen since the whole controversy began.

You’re some boy, Tam.



In a slightly more positive note, Stephen O’Donnell appears to be nearing match fitness and has been seen doing tai-chi in Camperdown Park. While the team is finding a bit of form, I think he’ll really force some important competition in the middle.



Well, the campaign started against Queen of the South and this article finishes with them too. Here’s Jim McIntyre showing his displeasure at Iain Russell’s performance in an impromptu, late-night “warm-up” on the eve of their game at Dens Park. While international SuperVillain Derek Lyle’s suntan has reduced most of the Bob Shankly stand to a red-hot molten inferno, the lackadaisical Russell appears to be completely immune.

Strange tactics from a strange manager.



Winning that game was a significant step forward, especially with Hamilton dropping points.

All in all, things are looking up for Dundee. The introduction of Archie Knox is an important one — reuniting him with Brown for the first time since their cameo in Bravo Two Zero could reap great rewards as he scours the land for the “next Craig Wighton” (who, by the way, is utterly outstanding).

Players like Craig, Jamie Reid et al, coupled with MacDonald and McAlister are the crux of a potentially very good side.



One quarter down, three more to go. Let’s dae this!



Liam is a Dundee supporter with a wide-ranging interest in the visual culture of Scottish football. His favourite Dee players include Dariusz Adamczuk, Giorgi Nemsadze and Frank Zappa.

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