THE Spiders grappled seriously with Stenny for the SFL performance of the week after their 2-0 League Cup success at Hampden over an abject Jute City and on Saturday, the Gentlemen Pipe Smoking Amateurs travelled to Forthbank to face Greig MacDonald’s alarmingly poor Binos. In a nip-and-tuck super-featherweight bout, the Binos‘ Josh Flood (with a name like that, he really should be playing rugby or cricket for England) landed the first punch, but a counter from Jamie Brough, before a late rabbit punch in the solar plexus from Jamie Longworth saw the laughably dreadful Forthbank pugilists sprawled on the plastic canvas and counted out.
Speaking of laughably dreadful, the Shire – still seemingly suffering from a post-Ibrox hangover – were comfortably swatted 3-0 at Shielfield. The Borderers delivered a professional performance after last week’s narrow miss against Sevco 5088, trying to use that game as a solid foundation for a season which started with all the alacrity of a petrol lawnmower after a long winter.
The Bully Wee hosted their first league game of the season at the three-quarters empty Broadwood, with Annan Agricultural the visitors. Duff Jimmy’s XI have made an unexpectedly good start to the season and the immensely self-regarding Bryan “Toilet Duck” Gilfillan came back to haunt his former goatherding colleagues, setting up Kevin Watt for a first half opener. In the second half, a gala cameo from Scott “Charlie” Chaplain put the home crowd on tenterhooks, then released them late in the game; the hapless “Charlie” netted at both ends, with the Bully Wee gratefully snatching the points and finding themselves in a near-surreal second place.
And, up at Balmoor, the Fishy Jailers did enough to scatter the Gable Endies’ thin, imbalanced squad by two goals to nil, with both goals fashioned by the “Deadly Plumber” Rory McAllister.
Sevco 5088 seem doomed not to learn from history, so they are repeating it – in more ways than one. Yet again, they were embarrassed to fall behind today to Hellgin Academy Sixth Form early on, before rolling them up like an old Highland B&B carpet and chucking them in the skip – 5-1 being the final score. So the game went just as the victory over the Shire had gone, with Hellgin’s attack impressing as much as their defence inspired the much-used “bombscare” epithet. Still, I’d expect them to finish in the top four sometime late next April.